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godluvsall
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Name: Godluvs
Country: United States
State: New York
Metro: New York City
Gender: Male
Interests: snowboarding, hiking, camping, traveling, riding motorcycle, anything outdoorsy, bible study, worshiping/serving/loving God, engaging in meaningful conversations, fartin & burping...
Expertise: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." Matthew 23:37
Occupation: Medical
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  drgodluvsall
Member Since:
3/19/2004
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| Why is it that we are always called to be a doctor, lawyer, nurse, dentist...??? And we are never called to be a janitor, custodian or Chinese restaurant delivery boy... Where's this calling coming from? by God or by ourselves? In my case, it was definitely myself that made this calling. I never said I wanted to be a physician to help ppl, except during my med school interviews and those personal statements. Yes, I lied. Hey, I wasn't a Chiristian back then, so get off my back. I wasn't masochistic, I did not wish to spend all my 20's studying, accumulating massive amt of debt, working 80+ hrs weeks and be on call most wkends and holidays. I went into medicine for the respect, money and prestige. Ironically, as it turns out, none that I originally sought for was there.
Respect - there is no respect. I can't think of any more humiliating experience than being a resident. Being publicly humiliated by your own atttendings in front of the patients, nurses, and other doctors. Under the constant scrutiny of attendings, residency program and everyone else. I have NEVER put up with so much abuse as I had in the past 2 yrs. Residency is not like a job, where I can walk out and find another one. Basically, I either suck up whatever they throw at me or get outta the medical field altogether.
Money - there is no money in the medical field. I'm still in 200G+ debt. People at my age that I graudated college with are already making their 1st or 2nd million.
Prestige - it's just not worth it.
However, I believe everything happened the way it did for a reason. God can and is redeeming my life. I'm a very stubborn and prideful man. God did whatever that was necessary to teach me humility. I am thankful that He brought me down to my knees. He is sovereign, He is gracious. He can healed my beaten, battered, downcasted soul. He can still use me.
Anywho, to those aspiring doctors, lawyers, dentists or whatever u wanna be... search deep within your soul, be true to yourself and God. Don't make your own evil desires into God's calling. Don't tell ppl that it's God's calling for you just to sound holy. Anything other than God's way is a much more painful and difficult way. | | |
| As some of u know, I'll be taking my in-training exam this Sat. Besides taking the boards Step 1, 2 and 3. This is by far one of my darkest rock bottom moments of the 30 yrs of my life. To make a long story short, the program director is threatening to hold ppl back a year if we don't do well on this exam. I just found out this morning that one resident in my class is being held back and she has to repeat the whole entire year. I'll be having an evaluation with the residency program director in December 06. And basically this upcoming evaluation is mostly based on how well I do on this in-training exam this Sat and the next 6 months. If I don't do well, they'll make me repeat the whole year. If they are happy with my score then I graduate in time in 6/07. It's not just that I don't want to repeat the whole yr. The emotional and psychological trauma that I face daily is consuming every last bit of who I am. Sad to admit, I am no longer the same person that I was before I started my residency just a short 2 yrs ago and if this hellish residency will be prolong for another year, I might seriously consider getting out altogether.
Please pray that;
1) Lord's will be done - whatever happens, may His will be done
2) Strength to endure and to focus on studying these last couple of days
3) Protection - Every morning I wake up and go to the hospital, I feel like Daniel walking into the lions' den. on a bad day, like a lamb led to the slaughter. Need protection from the attacks of my own attendings, for none of them knows the Lord.
4) pray that God will be gracious and merciful to me - God has brought me down to my knees, I'm tired, I had enough.
5) Pray that I'll believe this verse... "God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" (1 Corinthians 10:13) - another extra year in this hellish residency would be more than what I can endure.
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| 5 more days till in-training exam on Sat. Please pray for me. Need to do some last minute cramming. Must focus, do or die...
On call on the OB floor today. This sux. Ugly newborns and psychotic pregnant women... 14 more hrs to go... | | |
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